Have you ever been asked your best qualities and what others love about you? I have. And I’ve always found it difficult to answer when it comes to speaking about myself. So many of us find the good in others so much easier than our own selves. Why is that? This can be such an important topic for depression. I can reminisce back to so much good I’ve done but the bad always outweighs and erases any chance of me actually thinking I deserve to treat myself like a decent human being. I have had such a hard time giving myself the love and care I should be. And I have avoided the subject for quite some time. But anyway… on another note… my perspective of Social Media completely changes while my moods are unstable. It definitely has not helped me think better of myself as I scroll and carefully compare myself to every post I see. Sometimes, we can all use a break.

Social Media is a lot. There is such a variety of feed that can flood on our screens. I am not here saying that Social Media is a bad platform and does no good. It does a lot of good and we can really learn so much by giving our attention to the subjects that we connect to. It can help with success and also awareness. We should try to steer away from content that can trigger us and give us false validation. I personally have to take a break completely sometimes because I have a huge problem when it comes to comparing myself to others when I feel down. I feel completely unaccomplished most of the time and I feel even worse when I scroll and see posts of others succeeding. I don’t get negative on the people I compare myself to, I wish them all of the best. The negative thoughts for the most part are always about me. I become my own worst enemy. I am my biggest challenge. I just self sabotage and I give even less value to myself when these situations occur. And it isn’t fair. I shouldn’t be looking at a screen of photos posted when I have no idea whatsoever of what is actually occurring behind that post. You really can’t compare what you really don’t know! But of course my brain always finds a way to and it has been such a toxic pattern that happens over and over again. So, I have recently took another break from Social Media. I want to believe in myself and reach the small goals I have wanted to accomplish for a long time. This way I can continue to reach my bigger goals.I want to give myself value and I don’t need the distraction of Social Media when I know it can be always is a huge trigger and does not mix with my depression.

So, here is a little story…Recently someone I follow posted some words that caught my eye. One statement basically said if you can write and complain about feeling like shit and scrolling Instagram, you should be able to better yourself, write in your journal, meditate, list why you are grateful…you get the idea. The first thing I thought about was myself and how I react to life when I am depressed. This person’s words are not valid and it is clear this person also doesn’t understand their own post. And it was also a reminder to myself that Social Media is NOT always right! What you read doesn’t always make sense. Not every quote is true that we read. I mean, maybe if you are depressed the above statement can make some sense, but not when you live with depression. It realistically can be debilitating. So here are my thoughts when I am not feeling good..

Better myself? I already feel stuck and I don’t deserve to better myself. I’m sure some of you think that is an excuse. I wish it were just that. And write in my journal? Write what? How terrible my life is and why I will never succeed? I fear what I’d even write down and I guess I avoid it so I can ignore reading my words through my moods later on (which I know is actually helpful; I’m working on it). Meditate?! Yes! Silence alone scares me. My brain feels like it doesn’t work or it goes so fast that I can’t keep up with it and I struggle to recognize what is real from fake at times.

Another quote this expert added is to give credit to those who stay quiet during their dark times and only share success/happiness. Can be true for some.. and more power to you. But, I promise you from my own experience, sharing raw and real life struggles and situations can really help others. That is why I love writing on this blog. It warms my heart to know it may reach some who struggle and maybe just need to read it to feel less alone and isolated. Getting out of a negative hole can feel impossible and so overwhelming to get out of. Some people have absolutely no idea how hard it is to be positive and feel good when you’re in a depressive state. Yet they find it so simple to call out the weaknesses we face. I mean this politely, it’s actually a fucking disorder. My personal advice, don’t be so fast to judge. You are looking at/from one perspective and have no idea the pressure you can put on somebody that reads what you share (especially when you don’t understand). Understanding isn’t always the most important. Just being supportive is. And if you don’t want to support what you don’t understand, that is okay too. Just don’t judge what you don’t know and maybe you are the one who needs to stay silent… or maybe do your research.

During this Social Media break, I am going to actually use the time and focus the best I can to answer the question I was asked in therapy this past week. What are my good qualities? Well, so far I am still not sold on any good qualities which I told you before. But, I will convince myself of the truth. I am so much better than who I think I’m not and I really look forward to prove that to myself. I did do what the therapist recommended and I asked my closest loved ones who love me so much and also really know me who I trust to tell me what they think my good qualities. I then typed up a list of feedback. One thing I loved about their responses was that there turned out to be many of the same words repeated. Many of my loved ones thought alike and that makes me feel really good. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful people who care about me so much. I am going to open this list the next time I feel down and out and I hope it can help me read these good qualities and give me a reason to get up. I want to be able to redirect my mind when I need to! If I can’t be good to me myself, how can I be successful and live a full life I dream of? Hopefully these words will be able to help me start to like myself again and believe in myself, by believing in the ones I love. They sure as hell believe in me.

bye for now.. and remember to give Social Media a break and work to learn and love your qualities as much as those who love you do 🙂

Small steps…